PROVO - The FBI capped a 6 week long investigation on copyright infringement last night, when they raided the house of suspect Laura McManiss, 26 of Provo, Utah. Agents on the case state they caught the subject in the act of perpetrating the alleged infringement while she was in the shower.

‘She had the latest Madonna CD on and was belting out along to the tune ‘Hung Up’, stated FBI field agent Jason Chadson. ‘We were able to catch most of it on tape before she realized that someone was there and stopped singing and started screaming…at which point we aprehended her.’

The investigation, dubbed ‘Operation Karaoke’, was initiated on request of the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America). The RIAA has become increasingly concerned about the misuse and illegal reproduction of its intellectual property. RIAA spokesman Brad Buckles said, ‘This has got to stop! First came copying CDs for “friends”, then came downloading MP3s, and now this. The public needs to realize that when they buy a CD they don’t actually buy the music. They are just purchasing a license to listen to the music in any number of strictly restricted settings, situations and devices that we deem fit. At least with copying and downloading the illicit distribution is usually kept to a small group of acquaintances, but this new form of ‘vocal’ reproduction is insidious. This is just giving the music away to any stranger in hearing distance. From what I understand, this girl is a pretty good singer. Now, who’s going to go out and buy a copy of the CD when they can just listen to her sing it for free? No one that’s who.’

When it was suggested that the vast majority of the population lack the vocal talent to sing as well as professional singers, Buckles responded, ‘Well, that’s an even worse scenario. If you heard some out-of-key construction worker singing “Hung Up”, would you go out and buy the CD? Hell no, you’d stay as far away from it as possible.’

A source close to Madonna agrees, ‘Yeah, she’s concerned about this as well. I mean, these imitators, these ’sing-a-longers’ need to be shown this is wrong. Just because you buy her CD doesn’t mean you have the right to pretend to be Madonna. There is a legitimate concern here too you know. Madonna saw the movie ‘Rock Star’, she knows what could happen if she starts letting fans sing her stuff. A message needs to be sent right now.’

The suspect, looking confused, frightened, and cold, declined to comment other than a request for a bath towel or some clothes and that the ‘people with cameras’ please get out of her bathroom.

NEW YORK, NY - Sony BMG Corp announced today it will be partnering with the Gimbano Company to produce a viable means of copy protection for its products. The recent debacle of Sony’s XCP DRM (Digital Rights Management) software has caused the company to look for an alternative means of copy protection and inside sources say the Gimbano Company has the experience and personal to accomplish this.

Andrew Lack (Sony BMG CEO) stated, “After the whole mess with XCP, we took a good long look at just what copy protection really was about. What we realized, was that we had it all backwards. Instead of preventing people from making copies of their CD’s in case the original becomes damaged, we realized what we needed to do was offer some form of protection for the original CD. Let’s face it, CD’s are actually rather fragile things. That’s when we approached the Gimbano Company.”

Gimbano Company (GmBco) spokesman Vinny ‘Noodles’ Gimbano explained, “Our company has a long and distinguished history in the protection services market. When you’re protected by Gimbano Company, you got the best. When you’re not, well…let’s just say bad things might happen’

Though details have yet to be finalized, the new copy protection service is expected to incorporate RFID technology embeded on all new Sony music CD releases and be fee based. Gimbano Company plans to hire ‘protection agents’ in all major cities through out the US. These agents will be equipted with RFID detectors and will activily monitor and protect CD’s whose owners have signed up.

Gimbano explains, “If our agents detect you with a Sony CD and your protection is upto date, you got nothin’ to worry about. Your CD(s) will be safe from any potentially bad thing that might happen to them…such as them getting caught in a house fire, or stolen by let’s say a mugger…now if you aint paid your protection, well then things might happen….I’m not saying they will, it’s a crazy world out there, but bad things happen every day”

When asked how confident Sony feels consumers will accept the new form of copy protection, Lack responds, “We’ve actually been test marketing this service in the Chicago area for the last month. The results have been encouraging”.

Derek Jimgrouse of Chicago thinks the protection scheme is worthwhile. “Yeah, I like bought the new Switchfoot CD at Best Buy last week, and my friend Brian, bought the new Van Zant CD. They asked us at the register if we wanted to try this new service. I was like, sure…what’s another $5 per CD for peace of mind you know? But my friend was like, f-that and he walks out the store. So we’re walking down the block right, jamming to these def tones right, and this van pulls up, the door opens and this dude with a baseball bat get’s out and just starts wailing on poor Brian’s CD Walkman. I was freaked out man….what was uber cool though was after he like got done with Bri’s walkman, he starts coming to me but then stops. Some OTHER guy comes out from nowhere and is like, ‘Beat it punk, this kids got Gimbano protection’, and the dude from the van just leaves. I was totally impressed by that. Sony’s got their shit together man.”