The Abyss - A visibly angry Lord of Hell announced today that over 75 years of planning was all for naught as a software bug prevented the execution of his plans to end the world on 6/6/06.

The Morning Star had been meticulously planning the worlds ending to occur on the prophetic date for decades using an old DOS calendaring program on his PC in Hades. This software was to execute and issue orders to his vast legion of demons, initiating the world’s destruction at 6am, on June 6th, 2006. However, since the Ruler of the Damned had never patched this system to handle the infamous Y2K bug, the PC actually issued orders which indicated that the attack was to occur at 6am, June 6th, 1906. The date, 100 years in the past, caused untold confusion and chaos among the army of the damn’s leaders, effectively preventing the attack from occuring.

‘God damn it!!!’, stated an exasparated Satan. ‘I am so fucking pissed right now. All this planning, all the drills, all the fucking lava and brimstone I ordered, for what!? Jesus fucking Christ what a mess!’

‘What really get’s my goat, is that I may have been able to salvage it had I not gone and taken a human form to get a really good view on the attack. I wanted to watch humanity’s reaction once it started. Once they understood, I mean REALLY understood what was happening, so I’m on earth waiting and then at 6am…no attack. Nothing. Then my cell phone starts to go nuts. I’ve got devils asking me how I expect them to carry out an attack 100 years in the past. They’re telling me they aren’t going to do it, that it’s against union rules. Of course I’m on earth in human form so I don’t know what the hell (pardon the pun) is happening…and by the time I started getting the phone calls, it’s game over. I’d have to get back to my plane of existence, and when you figure in all the temperal conversions between eternity and earth, and the time needed to figure out just what in Judas’s name was going on…ah, just fuck it all’

‘Well’, sighed the fallen angel, ‘I need to wait another 100 years now. I may as well make use of that time. Who designed this piece of shit DOS system anyway? I’m going to make sure whoever that bastard is pays.’

Milwaukee - Area goth Aalacho Darkheart, announced yesterday that ‘Black will be the new black this year.’ Aalacho, a name which referes to the angel of the 11th hour of night, and whose real name is James Anderson made the bold prediction to fellow goths gathered at an area park over the weekend.

‘We were discussing what we should wear to the NIN/Bauhaus and Bravery concerts this summer at Summerfest and I figured, you know, black might really stand out.’, a quiet and withdrawn Anderson said. ‘I kinda thought, hey what would get Trent’s (Reznor) attention, and it just came to me that he’d really notice someone dressed in black. But not the flat plain black of last year. Oh no, that’s so cliche now, but rather a shimmery kinda black. That’s the new black this year.’

Anderson’s friends mostly agree.

‘Absolutely. What else would it be? Hot Pink? Yeaha right. Get lost narc.’, a distracted and visibly annoyed girl named Jezibel confirmed.